New Punishments
by Caribbean Babe
Summary: My first fic! This is a series of random and hilarious punishments for Jack. May be OOCness. Please R & R!
1. Dressing Up

Hey, everyone! This idea popped into my head yesterday while I was half-alseep so I thought ooh! Lets put it on FF! So here it is.

Oh- and this is my very first story so please be considerant. OR ITS OFF WITH YER HEADS! ahem..

Disclaimer- Someday Disney..someday...-maniacal laughter-

Claimer- YES! I own something! It's Miss Antionette, my maid-up maid! Hahaha! I KNOW YOU LOVE IT! NOW LAUGH! LAUGH I SAY! LAUGHHHHHH!

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"Oi! Get yer bloody hands off me!" Jack yelled as he was being led- actually _dragged, _to the Governor's house.

They had caught him earlier in a tavern drunk off his bum, singing "I'm Too Sexy" on a table. Now came his punishment.

He was forced to have Lizzie's maids fix on him a corset, dress, and have his hair in ringlets like Liz's. AND walk around Port Royal that way with the Navy watching his every move. (AN-Thats what I call worse punishment than the gallows, savvy?)

But little did Jack know that was the punishment waiting for him.

Gillette knocked politely on the mansion door and waited. Jack, of course, was still thrashing about, trying to escape.

"When me crew and myself get you- oh! will it be fun!" Jack growled at Gillette.

"I highly doubt you're so called _crew _will want to even be around you." Gillette said shortly.

"Eh? And why's that, matey?" Jack countered.

"Because, " at that moment the doors of the mansion swung open, revealing Lizzies maids apparently waiting for Jack, "these lovely ladies will fix that, " Gillette said. He led Jack in the mansion whilst he struggled with his irons.

Jack looked a bit worried and confused as he stared at the maids. Then the Commodore came in looking very pleased with himself.

"Well, well, well...caught you, haven't we, Sparrow, " Norrington smirked.

"Captain, " Jack mumbled, even though knowing he was defeated he wouldn't be called anything other than Captain.

"Very well, _Captain Sparrow, " _The Commodore spat out.

"Erm...what are the maids doing here?" Jack asked uncomfortably.

Laughing, Norrington said, "You'll see". And held his arm out signaling the maids to take Jack.

"Hey! HEY! Can't we come to an agreement, Norry, ol' pal?" Jack shouted as he was drug off yet again up the stairs and into a room.

It was a very bright room what with the blinds opened. The walls were covered in flowered wallpaper and a beautiful vase sat on a dresser by the door. Jack was certain he hated this room just by the looks of it.

Even more so when he spied with his pirate eye a changing curtain.

"Now luvs-" Jack started but was cut short when he was shoved behind the curtain.

"Wots this all about!" He bellowed.

"Your punishment, Mr. Sparrow, " a voice at the door said. Jack peeked around the curtain and saw it was Norrington.

"And what is this.._punishment _ye speak of?" Jack questioned.

"Seeing that we've finally caught you I've decided I don't want you to hang.."

Jack watched relieved as he waited for Norrie to finish.

"...I want you to wear a corset, one of Miss Swann's dresses, and have your hair curled into ringlets, " He smiled.

Jack's eyes widened and he gasped as his head was pulled back behind the curtain and Estrella grabbed a corset from a closet nearby.

"Oh no..ye won't be putting that.._thing _on Captain Jack Sparrow, savvy?" Jack pointed at the dreaded, breath-taking machine.

"Oh, yes, Mr. Sparrow. In fact, they will." Norringtons monotone voice floated over to him. But Jack could tell he had a hint of mockery in his voice.

Estrella started to arrange the corset around Jack's waist while the other maid, Miss Antionette, held him still. Jack wriggled about, trying to escape the fate he thought was worse than the gallows themself.

He groaned in pain as Estrella laced up the corset extra tight. Jack could now hardly breathe.

He was surprised but still suspicious as Antionette let go of his arms and unlocked the irons around his wrists. He tried to make a quick getaway and as luck would have it, he forgot about Norrington in the room, bumped into him, and fell backwards onto the floor. Jack flashed one of his famous grins.

Commodore yanked him up by his collar and thrust him toward the maids.

"It will do no good to try and run away, " Norrington seethed.

"It bloody well does me, " Jack grumbled back to him.

Antionette had undone his irons so she could put his arms into a burgundy-coloured velvet dress. Estrella restrained him while Antionette pulled said dress over his head and poked his arms through the sleeves.

"Bugger, bugger, bugger, bugger, bugger.." Jack cursed as Estrella now pulled off his boots. She almost fainted from just a whiff of his feet but was very lucky not to. Holding her breath and having a pained expression on her face, Estrella put on the stockings and a pair of heels on him.

Jack wobbled over to the Commodore and fell flat on his face.

"Don't forget your hair has an appointment, " Norrington snarled into his ear. Jack lifted his head and let it fall back down in despair. He was escorted to a bathroom and saw many a strange implements.

"Wot's this?" he asked, holding up a curling iron. (AN- I know..no curling irons..BUT THIS IS MY FIC SO NYAH! lol)

"It's something that you heat up and curl your hair around it and it comes out in ringlets, " Antionette said and sat him down on a chair. Estrella tied some rope around him to the chair.

Jack was furious when they took off him precious red bandana and his trinkets.

"OI! YE BEST BE PUTTIN' THEM TRINKETS AND BANDANA BACK ON OR I'LL SKEWER YE ALL!" Jack flustered.

They put a gag in his mouth and heard no more from him. He snarled as he watched his dreadlocked hair being brushed out. They quickly washed it and were amazed at how dirty the water got.

Anyway, they got done and blowdried his hair. Estrella heated up the curling iron. Soon, it was done and she picked up some of Jack's locks, put it between the iron, and twisted the iron. She waited a few moments before releasing his hair and started on another piece of hair.

When Estrella was finally done, she was grinning and gave him a mirror to bask in his beauty. Then Estrella removed his gag.

"What have ye done! My hair, my clothes..THIS ISN'T THE JACK SPARROW EVERYONE FEARS! I look like a bloody school girl!" Jack screamed as he dropped the mirror, making it shatter.

He heard footsteps behind him and saw Norrington once again. Antionette cut the ropes and Jack jumped up to him.

"Commodore! Look at me!" Jack pointed to himself.

"Yes..I see...but theres one more thing, Sparrow, " Commodore concluded.

Jack gulped.

"What?"

"Now we take you outside to show off your new look around Port Royal, " Norrington was smiling brightly.

"WHAT!" Jack yelled.

Norrintgton just laughed and shook his head.

"Let's go, now shall we?"

Jack made no move to leave. Commodore frowned and grapsed his arm and led him out of the room and down the stairs. Elizabeth and Will were there and immediately burst into laughter. Liz was in tears and Will was rolling on the floor, both squealing like pigs.

Jack shot darts at them with his eyes and stepped out the door with Norrington. Jack sighed. He saw his ship in the docks waiting for him since last night. He knew he shouldn't have went and got so drunk he wouldn't be able to go back to the ship that night.

"Move, Sparrow," Commodore snapped.

Jack shot Norrington a look and hesitantly swaggered toward a path, looking about him for an escape route. He passed by the docks and squinted his eyes up at the fort. He saw the guards at the top were trying to hide their giggles. Jack scowled and looked off toward _The Pearl. _

The crew were staring at him in amazement though they could barely see him clearly. He would get out of this humiliation. He knew it.

"Norrie, ol' pal?" Jack said.

"What is it, Sparrow?" Norrington grumbled.

Jack quickly ran a little ways away and a few of Norringtons men drew up behind him -meaning the commodore-, their guns pointing straight at Jack. With his famous hand move ments, Jack yells out-

"GENTLEMEN! THIS IS THE DAY THAT YOU WILL ALWAYS REMEMBER AS THE DAY THAT YOU _ALMOST _HUMILIATED, CAPTAIN JACK SPARROW!"

And with that, he stumbls off towards his beloved ship -mind you, he was still in heels-. Gillette and Groves attempted to chase him but fell flat on their faces. Gibbs threw down a rope to Jack who was splashing in the ocean and he was hauled aboard.

He landed on the deck with a THUD.

Jack promptly stood up, kicked off the heels, and looked back at the docks. Norrington was shouting commands to his men but knew it was no good. Jack had gotten away as always.

The Commodore decided then and there if he ever saw Jack again he'd hang him that day. He stomped off back to the fort.

Jack ordered them to sail off immediately. The crew went off to their usual duties. Gibbs sauntered up to Jack at the helm.

"So, Cap'n? Wot 'appened back there?" Gibbs asked, staring at his now feminine captain trying to hide his laughter.

Jack looked down at himself and ripped off the dress, throwing it overboard.

"Nothing I'd like to endure again, " Jack replied, staring at the horizon.

A few moments later-

"GIBBS!"

"Aye, Cap'n?"

"Let's wait a while before goin' back to Port Royal, savvy?"

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Well...hoped you liked it. I tried really hard it took me forever to type up.

I'll accept constructive criticism but please don't be too harsh.

And NO FLAMES! Please read and review. Thankee:D

PS- Should I go on to make up lots of different punishments or just leave it like this?

Caribbean Babe


	2. Dreams Come True

Wow...all these reviews so fast. Thanks guys:D

Mary/ Thanks, my mum was telling me that same story from the Bible. Just so EVERYONE knows- I don't HATE gays…just their sin of gayness. And if anyone

disagrees with me about gayness bein' a sin…READ YOUR BIBLE.

And thanks for the advice my peeps. ;) I agree Norrington was OOC but hey, this is a wild and estranged fic so yea…

Also, there may be more OOC-ness and 21st century objects, just so you know. ;)

On to the story-

"Bloody…friggin'…Elizabeth…" Jack mumbled in his sleep.

"Bloody…burned…food, shade…rum…rum? RUM!"

With that, Jack yelped and tumbled out of his hammock. He ran to his cabin door, and tried to push it open but it wouldn't budge. Jack panicked -cuz now he can't make sure he still has his rum- and began pulling on the door frantically. It suddenly opened and Jack fell onto the deck.

"Gibbs!" he tried to stand and stumbled his way to the rum cellar.

"GIBBS! Get yer bloody hide down here!" he bellowed.

A thunder of feet came over to the cellar where Jack was.

"Cap'n? Wha's wrong?" Gibbs panted out.

"THE RUM! ITS GONE!" Jack did his hand movements rapidly.

Gibbs began to fear for his captains sanity.

"Captain?" he questioned.

"Why is the rum gone!" Jack grabbed his shoulders and shook the old man.

"What're you talking about, sir?"

Instead of answering, Jack opened the cellar door. Gibbs eyes widened in fear.

Inside, sitting with her arms draped around the back of the chair, was, indeed, Elizabeth.

She had a half-full bottle of amber colored in her hand and a smirk on her face.

"Elizabeth! What're ye doin' 'ere?" Gibbs asked in fear.

"Well.. you know what I always say about this 'vile drink'," Elizabeth started, getting up and waltzing over to the two men, a devilish smile replaced the smirk.

They backed up and she kept moving towards them. Jack and Gibbs found themselves on the deck.

"But of course," Liz said, leaning against the railing. "There's no possible way to _burn _rum on a ship…so…" she tossed the bottle over the railing with ease into the churning black oblivion of Davy. Jones. LOCKER. She grinned triumphantly and leaned into their scared faces. "I throw it overboard,"

Jack opened his mouth and started to jump over the railing.

"ME RUM!" he cried.

Gibbs leapt over to Jack and caught him around the waist just before he fell overboard.

"Jack! Are ye daft?"

"Aye!" Jack struggled to be free and be with his rum.

Gibbs won and threw him back onto the deck.

"WHY IS THE RUM **_ALWAYS_** GONE!" he cried with distress.

Sorry it's so short. I need some more ideas for punishments.

Review...you know you want to. -grins devilishly-

Caribbean Babe


	3. Barbie

Thanks for the ideas, mates. I'll use 'em. They sound perfect. ;)

Now...bring me that horizon...er- story. lol

Disclaimer- Down to the depths that muttonhead of a mouse!

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_This is when Jack gets locked in the brig of the Pearl in COTBP-_

The bo'sun -i think- shoved Jack into his cell with a grunt. Jack hit his head on a lamp overhead.

"OW! What the bloody heck is that thing doin' here?" he yelled, rubbing his sore head.

The bo'sun replied in an excited, girly voice, "Barbossa got it for my 18th! Isn't it just _dashing!_" He grinned and

started to bounce around.

"Erm...no." Jack said flatly.

The bo'sun burst into tears.

"HOW COUD YOU!" he sobbed. "Barbie shall hear about this!"

Jack ignored him as the feminine man trotted up away to get 'Barbie'.

He sighed and plopped down onto the hard, cold cell floor. He started to drift off to sleep.

SCREEEEEEEECH!

Jack shot up as his hat was snatched off his face -he was sleeping, remember?- and the brightness of the sun

shone through a bar-window.

"AGHHHHHHH!" he shielded his eyes with his arms and staggered to stand. "What the bloody!.."

A small, cute monkey was smiling up at him with his beloved tricorner in paw.

Jack's eyes widened, furious.

"OI! Give that back!" he tugged at it.

The monkey tugged back.

"GIVE IT YE, BLOODY CURSED MONKEY!" Jack bellowed.

Jaqcueline -i named the monkey that so u wont get confuzzled- jerked it back and the pirate captain

tumbled on top of Jaqcueline. He lay there for a few moments, hoping to squish it to death. But alas, Jaqcueline

was cursed and couldn't die.

Jaqcueline squirmed away from under Jack and leapt through the bars of the window, along with his hat.

"NOOOO! ME HAT!"

Suddenly, a cannon blew through the window, demolishing it completely.

"ZOMG!" Jack squealed.

Just as he was about to jump through the window- Jack looked back and shook a fist:

"I'll get ye Barbie! And your little cursed monkey, too!"

And with that, he jumped out and swam after the monkey. Only to meet a more terrible fate there.

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DUN DUN DUNNNNNNNN!

REVIEW!


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